Always watching
by The-Female-Inuyasha
Summary: It's so hard to be a child with out a mother. Inuyasha faces the trails of his youth and his mother must witness them with out his knowledge. The pain of loss bandages by far off gain.
1. Chapter 1

This is just a one shot (I think) that I'm writing to kill my damned writers block….

Title: Never truly alone.

Summary: It's about Inuyasha after his mother death. Well basically it's about Izayoi after her death, watching her only son struggle with his life.

* * *

Izayoi –POV

"Okaa-san!" a voice whimpered in my ear, the sweet and young voice of my only son. His gentle soul was pierced with grief; even in my condition I could hear the bitterness strike his words. "Okaa-san" Tears started to pool down my cheeks, though they weren't my own. The world was dark; I could tell even if I opened my eyes I could see very little. But I didn't want to see the tiniest image of my son, not right now.

I knew his bright eyes were clouded with depression and glossy with tears, I could see his adorable ears droop till the point they were invisible, matching with his snow white hair. I didn't want to see him like that, my baby of only 6.

"I don't want to be alone" He whispered in my ear, his tear strained voice stopped suddenly. I could feel the weight on my battered body grow, as more blood squished from the hard and now damp ground from under me. I couldn't stand going with out seeing a look at his face, one last look.

So I opened my dark eyes to see his sleeping face. It wasn't the peaceful lightness that I found on the expression of my little angel. It was the tear stained one, his closed eyes held an almost invisible pink. His expression was, as he didn't want to sleep, like he had no choice. The idea of my death wore him out finally giving him no choice other than to surrender in the ache of his body. It was probably for the better.

I remembered when I watched him sleep in my arms for many years, peaceful. I allowed my arms to snake around him because I knew.

I knew this was the last time I was ever going to hold him again, and by the way his arms circled my body gently I could tell that he knew it to. This was goodbye.

I watched his sleeping figure till I felt darkness weigh down on me, the darkness of death and truth of leaving him alone for the rest of his life.

Goodbye, My Inuyasha.

* * *

Thoughts echoed in nothingness pounding back in my own ears. I couldn't feel the pain anymore. Not the physical pain at least but the pain of knowing my little baby was fighting alone was enormous. I hope he will forgive me.

"Izayoi" A voice of not my own was now jumping around in nothingness to. It was a deep mans voice, familiar yet so long forgotten.

"Come… my Izayoi"

"I-Inutaishou?" That was my voice… my voice that sounded incredibly happy despite the feeling of dread I only just experienced.

"Yes, my darling. I have waited for you…" The last note of his voice dropped to a saddening tone. He knew that Inuyasha was alone. I could see his large figure now, the battle armor he once wore, and his long silver hair that my son inherited, tied high at the back of his head.

"Inuyasha" I choked out. I couldn't be happy knowing that my son wasn't. My husband nodded head sadly, his golden eyes knowing and understanding. He reached out his large hand to me "come," he told me "Come, and we shall watch him till the day he dies"

"I will always be there for you Inuyasha…. never forget that" I lengthened my much smaller hand and his fingers clasped my hand. He brought me forward, and soon the darkness was devoured my light, suffering for taking me away.

The ground under me felt like it was no longer existent, our long hair danced in the light, it was beautiful, tinted with pink, tinted with joy. So there I was. I was hovering over the site of my death and hovering over my little boy as our limp bodies embraced one last time.

"Remember my darling," his voice wasn't expected, causing my transparent self to jump slightly. He smiled that smile that melted my heart the day I met him. Now the deep rhythm of his voice didn't sound so grave, happier as he finished his sentence.

"For as you swear never to leave Inuyasha, I swore not to leave you"

He pulled me closer to him, forcing my eyes to his. He cocked his neck to capture my lips, the kiss our souls shared after so long, I allowed myself to enjoy it. It was a shame that little 4 year old Inuyasha wasn't in the background, gasping in shock as his childish voice hinted the immature disgust as he shouted 'mama! Daddy! Eww, kissing give you cooties!'

"And I never left you side" he whispered in my ear, pulling away just as the morning quickly appeared over the horizon and Inuyasha started to stir.

* * *

Inuyasha- POV

I groaned as pain seared through me. My head ached; my stomach turned and I couldn't move, as of something made of lead was wrapped around me.

I groaned as pain seared through me, my head ached with the knowledge no one of my age should know, my stomach turned with the sickening smell of sweet blood that dried on my body and I couldn't move knowing that my mothers arms were holding me, protecting me one last time.

I carried on like that for a long time. I lugged my mother's body near a river and buried her body. If I could I would of burned her body then scattered her remains in the river so her wild spirit would be free to traveled with the bending stream. I was sure she wouldn't appreciate being carried painfully threw the current, dead and decayed, and I knew a poor civilian wouldn't appreciate finding a dead woman wash up on shore some where far from here.

No, being buried would be good enough. And if it wasn't it was the best she was getting, I didn't care for her anymore. She left me alone in the cold world, cold shoulders, cold looks and cold words. It was a cold world.

See. That's how I carried on. Holding a grudge against my dead parent but secretly wishing she would hold me one last time and wipe away my tears as I thought about her.

Weeks later it was time for my birthday. I decided on this day only was I going to allow myself to talk to my mom, to forgive her and to apologize. So I did, when the sunset and the moon rose, I sat aside the fire that took me forever to build. The time I turned 6. Mom had refereed to me as a 6 year old before her death many times, but on this day what she said was finally true. Just maybe a part of me wished that when she told me I would be accepted would finally come true as well.

I took a deep breath, sorting out my words carefully. I had my speech and I closed my eyes. I concentrated on finding her spirit, I figured some where with dad, happily dancing around and kissing, ignoring me, leaving me alone. Again. That thought made me loose my courage and tears shot down my cheeks for another night.

What if she wanted to die all along? Leave me alone like she did… she wouldn't want to be bothered again would she?

Hanyou.

That word had to pop up, didn't it? My eyes opened, but I forced them closed again.

'Hello? Mom?

How's it been for you? Great I would guess. I bet you're with dad, huh? That's to be expected he loved you. It's my birthday ma, and I'm officially 6! Are you proud? Or are you angry that I'm bothering you even after your death. I'm sorry, but I have a few things to tell you. Promise to listen?

I will start my list by saying I miss you lots. I love you. By saying that I guess I have to tell you that you're the only human I will ever love. I hate humans, and I hate demons. I hate. I'm doing fine on my own. I guess you could say I'm a big boy now, huh?

_I laughed bitterly._

Food is a little hard to get though; I don't think my body can last on berries alone for much longer I need meat soon. Is it worth it ma? Is death worth it?

More tears pooled down my closed eyes, and my face formed a scowl. How dare she, I remember thinking, how dare she leave me like this!

Is it worth leaving me to suffer! Why didn't you just kill me to get away! I'm sorry! What ever I did that was so horrible I'm sorry for it!

I knew it was wrong then. It was obvious she loved me, but my brain was furious, I was feeling sick from lack of food, I couldn't think from lack of sleep and I found myself forcing it out on my mom. I hope she forgives me.

* * *

Izayoi- POV.

It was a few weeks later, after the day I watched my son burry me with his own hands. I guess you could say it was depressing, I knew it was for him. This day, though, was special for both of us. I wished I at least could of shared this day with him, the day of hid birth.

That day was uneventful. I watched him wonder like the many days before, only to settle down in an inconspicuous location, a small opening surrounded by trees. I normally wouldn't agree with him in such a place alone but what choice did I have?

Night came quickly, darkness almost conquering as the sun descended. I watched Inuyasha fumble with wrongs, twigs and leaves to finally create a small spark of fire for warmth. A small pile of berries was assembled, half eaten for supper, grouped around the fire. He then sat his small and bruised body next to a tree. It looked like he was waiting for something.

The moon rose, and his eyes shut. I could feel something tugging at my spirit.

'_Hello? Mom? _

That was the voice that I waited so long to here again, My dead heart wrenched to hear his gentle voice, call out to me happily. But this time he sounded scared, like he was unsure I would care to listen to his words. I noticed he hasn't said anything to me since my passing and I was scared he was angry with me for dying.

_How's it been for you? Great I would guess. I bet you're with dad, huh? That's to be expected he loved you._

'Oh Inuyasha, he loves you to sweet heart' I called out to him, but from the still and passive expression I guess he didn't hear it. 'You're right hunny. I am great but I cant stand that your not'. It's hard watching your son carry on like every ray of sunshine suddenly stopped beating down on you.

_It's my birthday ma, and I'm officially 6! Are you proud? Or are you angry that I'm bothering you even after your death._

'You never bother me, baby. I wish I could be there to wish you a happy birthday, and be sure you heard me. I am proud of you, Hun, you always got to know that. Most children would never make it this far, and I'm never angry with you! You never bother me… I love you' with out my noticing it, translucent tears slipped away, sliding down my cold skin. That's why he wasn't talking to me, cause he thought I was mad at him. Why? Does he think I died just to leave him? Please, let me go back to my baby!

_I'm sorry, but I have a few things to tell you. Promise to listen? _

'Don't be sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry fate decided to take me away.' I listened to him; I would always listen to him. I listened they day he learned how to use his voice, the day he could speak words and I will listen to the day he's here with me again.

I will start my list by saying I miss you lots. I love you. By saying that I guess I have to tell you that you're the only human I will ever love. I hate humans, and I hate demons. I hate.

He laughed, for the first time since by passing. The first time in his life this laugh wasn't right, it was pained and harsh. He didn't mean it. I noticed the tears still running down his baby smooth face. My poor darling! 'Don't hate. It's not their fault, they just don't understand. I love you, oh god how I do! I miss you too' please someone just let me touch his face again! wont someone let me comfort my blessing?! 'I'm so sorry!'

I'm doing fine on my own. I guess you could say I'm a big boy now, huh?

'Inuyasha, your not fine. Please stop being like this'I couldn't help but plead with him. These weren't his words; these were forced from an emotion he was never meant to feel: Grief, sadness, anger, and the one that killed me the most (metaphorically) betrayal.

_Food is a little hard to get though; I don't think my body can last on berries alone for much longer I need meat soon._

His voice was now calmer again, telling me of his hunger. 'Oh baby, I know you hate to kill but you have to kill a wild animal. I cant help you with food like I planned to, how much times can I say I'm sorry with out it sounding old, hunny? I'm sorry, I will always be sorry'

_Is it worth it ma? Is death worth it?_

(So much for a calm voice.) This wasn't his, again I refused to believe he was capable of such a harsh tone, a growl, gruff and intentionally hurtful, again I had to plead with him 'don't carry on like this for the rest of your life.' I looked down at him, his bright hair, large and normally perky ears, and the brightest smile when he choice to use it. Behind those eyelids I could remember his sunny and bright eyes. He was meant to be such a happy boy; his heart was large and soul calming. He was an angel, he was meant for happiness! Am I the only one who sees that?

'I never wanted to leave you!'

His tears still didn't yield, and his calm face made a scowl. I don't remember him ever arching his eyebrows in anger like that before, his prayer stopped for a moment, I could tell he was thinking and from his demeanor I knew it was something not making him happy.

_Is it worth leaving me to suffer!_

'NO BABY! Please don't say that' I sobbed. Was this what my baby was becoming, did he really want to believe that horrible lie? Did it give him a sick sort of comfort? 'Inuyasha…'

_Why didn't you just kill _me_ to get away!_

'_Inuyasha…' _

_I'm sorry! What ever I did that was so horrible I'm sorry for it!_

'Inuyasha!! I love you! You didn't do anything wrong my joyous little darling!' Is making a lone woman very happy something to be sorry over. No, something to be sorry over is to leave you 6-year-old son to burry you body alone! 'IM SORRY!'

Inutaishou placed a strong hand on my shoulder, looking down at me with care. I sobbed more, pulling my body from a kneeling position and hugged him. "Why?" I hiccupped on his chest, hugging him tightly. He made gentle cooing sounds that eventually calmed my frazzled nerves. Together we stood and watched Inuyasha open his eyes. The belonging my soul felt before I heard Inuyasha lifted. He was done.

* * *

I decided to stop here and post a second chapter. Don't worry, for any of you who like this story I'm not stopping here. 


	2. Chapter 2

Izayoi –POV.

Fear. That's what pushed the tears free from my eyes today. He wasn't ready yet it couldn't be tonight. I admit it; Inuyasha wouldn't have survived this long if not for his demon blood. He was still yet to kill a living creature, and I could tell his body was weakening. Tonight, it couldn't be:

…. The moonless night

But it was. And I was scared. You see, every human night for Inuyasha he was crawl to my sleeping matt, though I was usually awake with him, and sleep with me. He was scared of being alone. He was any other normal baby boy and scared of the dark. Now, on the night of no moon, he was alone and in the dark.

Fear. That's what pushed Inuyasha on. He was getting ready for tonight, but had his visible doubts. Inuyasha knew it, he knew that he would be dead if not for his demon heritage, and he knew he was starving, suffering from malnutrition. Tonight, he knew it was:

…. The night of no moon.

I could tell he remembered the same thing as I, crawling into my protective arms, sleeping with comfort in my embrace. I'm sorry, my son.

* * *

Inuyasha- POV

I had to prepare. I decided to sleep somewhere safe, away from predators that searched for hanyou. Me. Yes, I learned to accept it. I mean, being a hanyou wasn't all bad. Of course if I was a normal human I would have friends, be accepted, normal and my mother wouldn't be dead…. Wait, now what was the good side I was searching for? The sun was setting quickly, like it did every dreaded night. With my 6-year-old enthusiasm I marched down the dim path, hoping I looked confident.

I was sure I looked grown up, and I was feeling grown up to. That is, until a root grew in just the right place and snagged my ankle. I was held in place for a moment when I realized I was falling. It hurt, and feeling as adult as I did, I released my first adult word.

"ITAI! Fuck! Damn, shit, the hell! Goddamn!!"

Ok, maybe I released my first 5 adult words, but it felt good, no wonder the village men said that a while ago. I lifted myself from the ground and limped to a tall tree, every step I took I added another part of my chant. "Fuck" step, "shit!" step, "damn" step, "holy hell!" stop.

I made it. The tree did look tall and protective. Mustering all my strength I jumped to a branch, hoping the leaves would keep me safe for tonight. I looked down and sweat- dropped, glad no one seen my mistake. It wasn't a very big tree at all; things below weren't microscopic like I had originally thought. But I was only 6! How was I supposed to know!? Well, I will just pretend that didn't happen.

That's when I felt something I wasn't aware of until now. Pain, nausea, and the sudden rush to my head, it has started, I knew it then. I could feel the pain of not eating, and the pain of my ears retracting in my head. It felt slick, soft yet horrible, and I was momentarily def. Then everything came back duller, like my sense of smell, eyesight, and strength.

I could tell my hair was black with out looking. Just like my moms. I also currently held her gentle eyes. I don't want to be gentle anymore though. I don't want to be picked on anymore.

Gentle, feh!

The world rushed around me as I lost balance and fell from the tree. God I could feel the hunger pains come back, I blindly reached for anything to chew on. I didn't care if it was dirt I was just so hungry. My hand stopped moving, my will to breathe got weaker. I was hungry, I was tired, and I was in pain. I wanted it to leave, so I allowed the darkness to take me. Hopefully I was dying.

* * *

Izayoi- POV

I watched in a mess as my son marched, almost maturely, down the path before him. I sighed, I don't know if it was for relief that he was growing up, becoming stronger, or regret that I wasn't there to see it. I was going through what every mother does, I didn't want my baby to grow up to fast. So you can understand why I smiled when he tripped, that was a very Inuyasha thing to do.

I was smiling, but he wasn't. He shrieked words I wasn't pleased with, and continued to chant them till he came to a meager tree, small in stature and flimsy. I don't think he noticed as he leapt up to the lowest branch. I could see him look down, frowning with a blush. Yes, no matter how much he tried to grow up he would always be my Inuyasha.

The sun set, but was not chased by a moon. It was time, and like the size of the tree, Inuyasha didn't seem to notice. He didn't give any regard to the darkness till he felt the transformation. He looked panicked as his ears slid from view, and still quite agitated when his human ears grew back. I was pleased with him for taking it so well.

I leaned in and watched his eyes for a moment; I love his eyes, no matter what form he was in. Be it hanyou or human, but this time he didn't blush as I studied his face. It was hard coming to terms with that, no matter what I do, Inuyasha would not react to my actions anymore.

His eyes wavered, mine sprung tears, He frown looked pained, mine showed, he fell from the tree, and I fell to my knees.

Once he landed, his eyes closed tightly, his little hand looked around for something, anything. It stopped moving, and I could have sworn if my heart were still beating it would have stopped there. His breath came slow, and for the first time in a while I looked like he was sleeping peacefully, but they says looks can be deceiving.

And I knew that this time, his was.

'Mom?' Inuyasha's small voice crawled to me. I snapped my eyes to him again, paying attention to his lips. They weren't moving.

'_Can I come with you?' _

'Inuyasha! Don't die!'

_'But I miss you ma'_

'I miss you to, baby, but your not ready to come here yet, go, go and live my Inuyasha'

'_Alright ma, I love you'_

'I Love you to my sweet angel'

His figureless voice giggled lightly, fading away. _'Looks like you're my angel now'_ it was a sad laugh, but it wasn't harsh like the first one.

'I guess so...'

* * *

Sorry i have to stop it there or i will never be able to post it. Im so busy, what with moving anf christmas, plus the fact that i dont have internet at my house. enjoy, and i will write more when i get the chance!


	3. Chapter 3

Inu POV

My head was aching so horribly it reached its dreaded hand to my stomach, causing it to twist violently. The awful twisting was not a good combination with my hunger pains. Between being to weak to move, and starving to death I thought of the strange dream I just had. I couldn't everything but what I glimpsed was vague. I remember a slowly fading light, and my mothers voice telling me to stay where I was. The hidden doubt slinked back into my current thoughts, had she told me to stay because I was right and she didn't love me anymore?

"Keh!" I growled. I like that word. I started to let the thought go, I started to convince myself that it wasn't important. She shed tears for me, so why would I doubt her? I mustered up all my strength and pulled myself up, wobbling on my unsteady feet. I didn't care right now about the dirt covering my body, my clothes, and my undeveloped pride. I cared about food.

It hadn't struck me that it was still night, and the sun still didn't want to rise. My delusion thinking told me I didn't blame the sun for not wanting to wake up, I didn't like mornings either. I stumbled into the bush, enjoying how the leaves swayed, almost faded, and shifted with out being touched, it was beautiful. I bet mother would like it.

Childishly, I found it fun how the ground was teetering under me; it was like a game, which could loose their balance first? Me or…

What a depressing thought, no one else was playing with me. I leaned against a tree for a break, the tree felt stable enough to support my deteriorating weight. Its not like I wasn't used to not being played with, in fact I am my own best friend. My black bangs slumped against my eyes, concealing them in shadows.

Sleep now, that was the best thing I could think of. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea; maybe it wasn't sleep that was beckoning me. But it felt good to close my eyes and slide down to the ground. I wasn't completely asleep, or dead, when a felt a prick on my cheek and some very panicked mumbles. Groggily my hand reached up and clamped itself over where I felt the pressure.

I didn't bother opening my eyes, it was probably just some parasite that thought I was dead already. A voice, which I'm guessing the mumbles, belonged to moaned in despair. "This taste like the Lord and his lady's blood." The wizen voice mumbled through my hand. What ever it was didn't seem to give up so I just let it go. I would be dead soon enough anyways.

I felt the strength in my neck give out, unable to support my head. It lolled forehead, shifting the rest of my hair bangs in my face. The final moments were coming to slowly, dragging me through pain before happiness. I felt a soft pressure up on nose, bouncing.

"Master!" Wailed a voice, suddenly I could feel something tugging at my eyelashes, slowly bouncing my left eyelid. I heard myself groan and slowly opened my eyes. The grip of weariness lessoned as I seen a rather small, plump bug looking intently in my eye.

I blinked.

It retuned it curiously.

"Gah!" I cried, flinging myself backwards. I couldn't force back the base of the tree and ended up whacking my head. His four arms waved frantically as he cried out pleas. My hand shot up to hold the rising lump on my head, one eye squeezed shut as a tear produced from the open one.

"Shit," I mumbled. "That hurt."

But at least I wasn't dying, if that was even a good thing. I forgot. Adrenalin ran through my human veins as questions screamed in my head. Who the hell was this? The bug-like demon calmed enough to cross its arms and bow its large circular head, huge eyes shut lightly. His beak began to wobble as he spoke, but I didn't hear the words, just focused on the wobbling beak.

Up, and down, A little jar to the left. Down. Up. Down, Now the right.

I snap out of it in time to hear his introduction. "I am Myouga, and now, you are my master."

Aside from his magical beak, that caught my attention. "Wha?" I squeaked eyes wide open. "Master? Me? But…" But how could I be a master? Can a half demon be a master? Besides that I am surly not master material". Myouga turned his head to the side his eyes now half open.

"Well, It's safer than traveling with the lord of evil." I caught him mumble. I sighed, shaking my head (Which caused him to fling to slip off of my cheek.) Slowly I position myself on the ground and close my eyes. Now that I know about this Myouga the adrenalin isn't pumping.

"Listen," I murmured. "It's not safe with me, so you better go back to your master before you end up dead… Just leave me alone to die." I feel myself fade back into the welcoming embrace of sleep, releasing a slow breath. The flea demon grumbled something I didn't quiet hear before I felt his light stance on my head. I could hear him apologize, before a sharp prick shot through my ear.

It twitched madly, sending the demon sailing though the air again. I bolt up once more, holding the ear in pain. "What the hell!" I cried loudly. Myouga leaped upon my hand looking proud. His pride was squished when I sent him the coldest glare I could muster. He shrank back before clearing his throat.

"Now you listen." He squeaked. "You are the proud owner of your fathers powerful blood, and your mothers sweet blood! You should not give up so easily!" He voice grew in confidence. "I, Myouga, will not let you die!"

By now the air was thick with his confidence that I seemed to catch on. Looking at him with a small smile I nodded. My opinion of Myouga started to take form. He must be pretty brave, so maybe he could help me out? My mouth opened to approve of this Master Business, when my vision flickered and I lost all means of supporting myself.

I flopped to the ground, Myouga being squished under my hand. Sorrow drenched thoughts weighed my weak head heavily now. "Myouga… I'm going to… die if I like it or not…" I soon realized I couldn't open my eyes. "So hungry…" I whispered, "So tired."

He seemed to notice my position, now jumping on my hand manically. "Oh! Oh dear!" He shouted. "Sleep tight! I will gather you some food!" And he was off.

I now mourned for not finding this demon sooner… He could've really helped me. But now it was too late.

* * *

This has been sitting on my computer for a while now... I figure It's time to post. 


End file.
